dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
This house was built for laser tag.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
