Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
