the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
