Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
