I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Randomize
