no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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