I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
