i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
