she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
