the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
