my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
