I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
