Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
