so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
oh god was she eating orange peels again
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
