you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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