I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
