ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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