dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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