So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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