yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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