You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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