I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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