After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
