i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
