We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
