Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm like, not good at living.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
