yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
