Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
