He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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