youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
