I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
