She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
