best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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