Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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