Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I need to calm my uterus...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
