I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
