I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
