sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
