Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
