dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
