Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
