Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
