My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
