I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
