I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
