I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
