Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
did you just send me my own nude
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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