He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
