I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
