I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
