He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
